The Secret Room of Horror

When we moved into this house, I was in love with the floors. They're beautiful Terra Cotta with gorgeous Portuguese tile inlays. Just lovely. I didn't care for the outside, since you could barely see it through the 14 foot high azalea bushes and the Sego Palms that blocked the entire sidewalk coming and going. After removing the small jungle outside, and sprucing up some of the inside though, I had really come to love it, until I realized it was possessed.
There are 4 spirits in this house. Destructive spirits that create the biggest messes I've ever seen. They are 4 of my 5 children, ages 8.5, 10, 11 and 12.
The youngest, let's call him Damien, has yet to learn that you really do have to aim into the toilet to get the pee in there, so there is always a puddle of urine surrounding the toilet upstairs. I guess since he never actually gets any pee into the bowl, he figures he shouldn't waste precious water or time flushing. He also loves to put toothpaste on the counter tops.. in nice, long, neat rows.
The other 3, Lock, Shock and Barrel, have formed a pact with the Brawny man to use no less than a full roll of paper towels per incident, and leave them on top of the counter, in various shades of disgusting colors and crispness, so that someone else can conveniently throw them away... eventually.
None of them seem to know what to do with toilet paper either, once it's been used. Most of it seems to end up on the floor. Investigations are ongoing.
The call for dirty clothes has a few items brought down and sorted into very neat, suspiciously small piles of the clothes I never see them wear, while the clothes they DO wear, end up in the pee puddle, molding in the bathroom. When asked if all the dirty clothes are downstairs, they all reply (clad in crusty clothes from head to toe) "That's all that's in my room."
Needless to say, entering the bathroom reminds one of the flies scene in the Exorcist, or worse, SAW.
Since May, I've been trying to get them all to clean the upstairs. Two of them are now gone for the summer to visit their dad. They managed to leave their rooms completely uninhabitable. Entry is suicide. Lego landmines, Barbie bombs and Nerf booby traps left me bruised and disoriented when I tried to get into Shock's room to build a window seat. I couldn't even find the floor. I think it disintegrated.
The other two leave in 3 days. They've been in the bathroom all day. They claim to be cleaning, but I'm sure if I go up there I'll never be seen again.